Sister Bain in the Big Apple: 2016 09/14 "We have a Savior."

I had a tough week. Probably the hardest week since I've been a missionary. (Which has been almost 3 months I might add)

I went about with my companion finding people to share the gospel with. But nobody seemed to be home this week. Seriously. Hardly anyone answered their door. The few people that did answer their door either weren't wearing clothes or they saw the Book of Mormon in our hands and slammed the door. So I was pretty down on myself this week because I feel like nobody wanted to talk to us or the people that did talk to us just had pity on us because it's so hot outside.

I felt a little better towards the end of the week, but I kept feeling like there was this disconnect between me and the Spirit. It was so frustrating. How in the world am I supposed to do the Lord's work if I don't have the spirit? (The answer is.....I can't.)

We didn't go to the temple on Saturday with Bridgette. She called us and told us she wasn't ready and that she had a lot of doubts and she was uncomfortable. We assured her that having doubts was okay and that we were there to help her. She was really short with us on the phone and kinda rude and she just hung up. She didn't come to church on Sunday and we were super worried about her. We called her and asked if we could come visit her and she said sure. We walked into her house and I knew something was wrong. I had been feeling all week like something was wrong with Bridgette- especially when she cancelled the temple trip which took us SO long to try and work out. She sat down on the couch and she said "I just want to tell you that I'm going back to the Catholic Church. My whole baptism was a mistake and I don't believe in anything you've taught me." Sister Sam and I were blown away. We sat there in silence for what seemed like forever and then both Sister Sam and I started crying. Bridgette was taken by surprise when we just burst into tears. I felt like someone had my heart in their hand and they just crushed it. I seriously thought I was going to throw up-- I felt so sick. She said she didn't believe the first vision happened and that the priesthood authority wasn't on the earth and that she was going to go to confession. She ended by telling us that she wanted her records removed from the church and that she was done. We bore testimony to her and then we were invited to leave. We got in the car, I drove around the corner, and we sat there for an hour and just cried. My heart was actually broken. It was a feeling I have never felt before. I didn't even know I could feel this much sadness for another person. I would say that we had a pretty traumatic experience on Sunday, but it was also a sacred experience. As I was sitting there while Bridgette was talking, I had the thought come to my head "This is how I felt." The hurt I was feeling was felt by my Savior. He was rejected. He was spit upon. He was nailed to a cross. Because He loves us. Sitting in Bridgette's living room, I felt even the smallest part of what the Savior felt. I felt that hurt and pain. Not in the same way or to the extent that the Savior did, but I was literally heartbroken. I want this so bad for Bridgette. I want her to have the hope of the Gospel. I want her to have an eternal family. I want her to find peace in this life through the Atonement. I was sitting in the car crying for her and it felt like the advisory put a thought in my head. He told me that Bridgette turning her back on everything we had taught her was because of me. Honestly, all I wanted was a hug from mom. Rough day, huh?

In the end, I know I am supposed to be here. I'm right where I should be. I know that Bridgette has her agency-- one of God's greatest gifts to us, and that I did all that I could to help Bridgette come closer to Jesus Christ. But, in the end, it's her choice. This past week was kinda the worst ever, but I needed it. I came closer to my Savior Jesus Christ. I know that He is MY Savior. I know that I can overcome anything through the Atonement of Jesus Christ-- He can truly heal me. I know I'm worthy to be here. My Heavenly Father has been preparing me my whole life to be in this place at this time. I may not be converting all of Connecticut, but I'm sure planting a lot of seeds-- and the Lord is still working on His children. I know that. I know His plan is real. I know this is His work and I am so grateful to be even the smallest part of it. This week was hard, but it was also full of some really sacred experiences that have changed who I am. I know we can do hard things. That saying has a whole new meaning to me now. I know it's true. All things are possible because God is our loving Heavenly Father and we have a Savior.

So I guess this week wasn't all bad, a lot of good came from it. So count your blessings each day, okay? :-)

I'm sure grateful for my calling.

I love you!!

Love always,

Sister Bain